wat he really wants???

i post a personal msg in my msn just now at 11...saying tat i'm going to club tonite...why he wana care for me so much?? wateva he's doin rite now is making me more and more suffering =(
hiahz...i just dun wan him to talk to me..tat's all...he kept asking me not to go not to drink...but i'm oso a human...for sure i will be sad if we both ended up like this...but anyway i'll still go =(
hope it really can help me to forget all those sadness..

wat to do???

yesterday i went to his house...he was drunk and his mum told me to buy breakfast for him...i had wrote a letter to him the day b4 ytdy...
i reached his hse at 11 sth almost 12 pm...so i went uptairs to his room...when i opened the door,i saw tat his eyes were edi opened and was looking at the door...but when i open,he turn away...nevermind tat...i put the letter on his desk then i went back downstairs to eat my breakfast...i didnt have much appetite so i just took a few bites and throw the whole thing away...

i was looking for paper and pen..i've found it and wrote sth on it...it says,"your breakfast is downstairs..i'll leave as soon as ur mum is back...dun blame her as she noes ntg between us"...i went back upstairs and i stand in from of his door quite long...thinking whether wana go in or not...in the end,i decided to slip the paper thru the bottom of the door...i went back downstairs to wash the plates and turn on my laptop...
not long later,he came down...he tried to talk to me like asking where's mum,wat time she come bek,u reach vv long edi? and a lot more...i answered him in a soft voice but i didnt look at him at all..he went into kitchen to eat his breakfast and not long he came out again...ask me why there's another noodles hanging there...i said i cant finished it...so i throwed away...when he was downstairs,i was upstairs...when he went up,i go bek down again...i dun dare to face him...not long later we were sitting at the living room...and he received a call...i guess it was jl..asking him for gaming...he answer as in he dun wana go...after he hung up,he call alex again...i heard him say.."u otw d??~!!!" i guess he dun wana go out or wat..i didnt noe
i went bek up to his mum's room cuz i just cant stand it...he follow me..not long later alex reached...i was lying there...he asked me wat happen to ur leg...why dun dare to face me...why keep swallow ur saliva...why my breath is getting faster...then he kissed me at the cheeks..

i just cant stand it anymore...i stopped him at the stairs...i asked him wat he wan...he say he needs a rest...and i ask again wat he did tat for...he say frens kiss like wat caucasians did...i cant stand it anymore...i ran bek to his mum's room and cried softly...i think he heard me..he was standing at the stairs for a long time but in the end he went out...
i went to his room...i saw he read my letter...and i turn on his latop,there's still pic of me...i just dun understand all his actions...wat is he thinking...i vv san fu now =(

Sadness all day long~~~

Today,it just seems like everything bad happen on me..bf said that he wana break up...that really hurts me a lot...cried a lot too today...and another thing,i had car accident...mayb i wasnt concentrating on the road...i had minor injuries on my fingers,both my legs and a bit blue black at my neck.
Now...i'm both internally and externally hurt...but no matter how my external part hurt,it cant compare to my internal..today after bf said that,i dunno why my heart felt vv pain...not the pain caused by him or mayb is him...is like those heart attack kind and cried till my nose bleed and my eyes feel slightly pain...i guess i'll leave it lidat,dun wana consult a doc...i just wana leave this world for good...but how much i say or told him,he wud tot that i threaten him like wat he said today..
i dunno what more i can do to heal myself,though time is the medicine for now...it hurts a lot...all i can do is nothing,i felt that as though i'm useless in everything i do...
2 years back,we oso broke up at this vv month...i really hope we'll patch back...i love him vv much~~~ pls tell me what can i do to have him back..GOD,i beg YOU either to have him back wit any conditions i oso accept or give me up and take my life back...

assignments assignments~!!!

GRRRR~!!!!
what's wrong with the college tutors?? are they crazy?? we're STUDENTS NOT ROBOTS~!!!!
my group had just hand up 1 assignment..this means there's 3 more assignments to go...and every week we had tests~!!! i hate year 2=( can i go back to my secondary skul's life???
though....i had fun times with all my frens...we really did many crazy stuff this few weeks...is it the outcome from all the assignments and tests? huh...who knows?? =)

i've met alex's darling (Pei Chie) on last sun which is 28th of June...she's cute and frenly too ^^
nice knowing her =)

Alex with his darling ^^

Year 2 sem 1

haihz...year 1 had past just like a blink of an eye...i misses my year 1's time table BCUZ my class will start on monday...and tat means my class will start at 8 am to 6 pm~!!!! Can u believe that? my gosh~~~ i can definitely feel the tension and how bz we are going to be in the coming sem =(

BUT in the positive side,among all the groups in the same course,my class is the lukiest one...i'm saying so bcuz i saw others ppl's time table..theirs are like SHIT~!!! is till 8pm....2 words for them..MY GOSH~!!!!

anyway...i'll try my best during this whole year ^^

More to come~~~~

Happy valentine's day~!!!

wow~~~ it's been more than a month that i had not update my blog =( well,today is valentine's day =)
A year ago,i was celebrating valentine's day alone =( and was hoping my ex would be wit me...by this year,i'm going to celebrate wit him and frens..later after tat,we'll go to cocobanana ^^
Jess will be back for more,chaoz~~ ^^

~2009~

wow...2008 passes vv fast and now here i am..1 year older =( had been thinking what had i done during 2008....
well first,i started blogging in jan =) it's kinda fun as i could expressed my feelings here...i went for NS in the month of march and back on the may =0 *sigh* college life started...sem 1 and now sem 2 is goin to end...college life was vv hectic...we had cocuriculums too..i joined gym and on our coco day,we won~!!! WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS~!!! =) we had gold medals..well,year 2008 had made me even mature as my life is full of ups and downs...now i am here hoping that year 2009 would be greater than 2008 =)

days during gym classes

we are the CHAMPIONS

our gym-mates