C L O S U R E

It's been so long since I last mentioned about you...
Until recently,
There was a discussion that had brought your name up...
And then...
There's a hint of those memories...


Memories of the past...
Comparing between you to my first love...
As I'm weighing both of you...
I realized up till now,
you had won the battle in every form...


But all these doesn't matter anymore...
It doesn't anymore...


Sometimes,
Ppl have thoughts that I hadn't moved on from our relationship...
and sometimes unbelievably,
I do thought so too...

But fact shown in the last few months,
I had finally stand up for myself,
Knowing my self worth,
Knowing to say "No" to you...
Calling off our deal...
By then,
I knew it was all the closures that I had needed...

Nevertheless,
You'll always be a friend to me...
Someone whom we both knew so well..


I then came across this article by Mun Yee...
Link to the Article
Everything she said,
I could relate myself to it...


"...because the saddest people know what it feels like to feel so unloved and worthless and they don't want anyone else to feel the same..."

And then I start questioning myself...

Was that the reason you left?
That you had seen her tumbled and at her bad times?
And eventually you gave up because you're tired of convincing her?

R E F L E C T I O N

As here I am,
sitting before my laptop,
with my mind running wild of the past events...

Months back,
somewhere in Jan...

These ppl are from different badge of internships,

they completed their programme,

and they leave...

but what was never really gone was our friendship made...

Even months after they had ended they training,

we still catch up like an old friend...

Here's to our never ending bond!

The other stage in life...

where your friends are moving on and build their own family...

where you had plenty of wedding invitations,

with up next was baby shower!

This was Louis's baby shower...

At this point,

I'm an aunt :')

giving a small token to him as a blessing...

this was their happy family...

growing still...

The zoozies...

We are parting ever since the day of college ends...

We have to embark on our own paths...

our careers,

and these 2 were already building their own families...

as how much reluctance I felt,

Deep down,

I'm happy for them to have found their own happiness...

We're about to branch out zoozies...

With one in North East,

Another in North West,

I'll be in down South - Singapore,

and the others?

They're staying in the central KL :)

One thing about zoozies that had our bond so strong was the crazy-ness level we had,

We would never let each other to do the craziest things alone...

Before King Kong left, 

we planned a surprise birthday with her ever longing desired fruit tart cake,

And happiness is when you saw how happy and surprised she was..

Having to utilise her time here in KL,

we clubbed and went for a "free" supper...

Paid by a stranger without any expectations of returns...

and lastly,

without sleeping,

we have a 15km morning jog!

That's how insane we are and we never stop!

21KM Half Marathon by Nike,

Just weeks before the event,

I had a severe veins injury.

Was asked to cancel off and recuperate at home :(

But lessons learnt!

Trainings were not meant to over-pace!

And I've found out I enjoyed taking photos...

Not only with a camera but with my only HTC..

They say a lot of my whereabouts,

my moods,

my travels

and

my experience obtained...

At different stages of life,

no matter what,

We would need to go through certain circumstances that each of us would have been there...

We bid farewell...

Not knowing when we'll see each other again...

We moved on...

Not knowing what's in front us...

We walked along...

Regardless how uncertain we are...

We build bridges,

We even destroy them...

We shaped our own destiny...

To be wherever we desire most...

May you be fear of the uncertainties,

or

would you rather die in the caves of comfort?

The choice will be ultimately yours...

Xx annaliese xX

Quarter Life Crisis

Quarter Life...

I'm officially 25 now,it's gonna be my quarter life if I ever live up to 100 :D

At this age,

I felt I had never achieve anything big yet that I wanted...

A decent job *audit jobs are never decent*

Building up my career,

Earn enough to get myself a property and a car,

See the world,

but amongst all of that,

I first have gotta pass my ACCA exams!

Why oh why is it being so tough at me!

I had resigned to complete this exam apparently...

and I do not wanna let anyone/myself down...

Plans to work in Singapore has gotta be postponed...

Since I decided to do 2 papers only this round and focusing on it!

So this is it I guess!

1 aim at a time for a life-long goal...

Love...

I hadn't met anyone else yet like you...

They couldn't treat me as good as you did..

At this point,

the heart is restless,

recuperating from the pain that still hurts at time...

I hadn't met anyone else like you...

To put their career ahead,

be diligently hardworking and strive for a future...

There are times,

that I hope someone would come along,

to be there when I needed them,

to feel loved or to love...

But I have faith,

for they say,

"Sometimes God closes a door to protect you from whatever lies behind it. Have faith and please stop knocking...You deserve better..."

Friendships,

As I age,

I do realize all I need is a few good company,

a few closest to me...

However,

those that were close were eventually moving on to their next stage in life,

I do miss them,

The time spent with them all by alone,

never having to share with anyone...

selfish as it seems...

or was it just me being at a transitional period...

Grace & Nadia are always around!

The crazy binks,

we had gross talks,

hilarious as usual,

giggles and laughters!

I am sure to have miss them loads if I ever gonna work in Singapore...

Family,

As days passed,

I looked at my parents closely,

I realized how fast they were aging...

Was the hard work that they put thru made them age this fast?

I do not want it to happen all too quickly...

All I would ask for,

is to have them in good health always!

I had a short breakaway before the crazily packed schedule of mine starts,

Initially to visit kingkong,

She took me to tour around kuala terrengganu...

What fun it was to be a tourist in your own country!

Decided to hit redang island as I hadn't been there before...

During my entire stay,

her husband had provide me with everything,

A great hospitality!

I do not know how to thank them any further...

We were staying in Laguna,

I gotta say,

their service were extremely good!

we were welcomed with a tropical drink,

great food varieties and a great view at the dining hall!

 That's a whole panoramic shoot from the view of the dining hall.

It was breathless!

I could have this doze of tranquility everyday!

That Ocean Blue,

Riding Waves,

Endless Shoreline,

Blazing Sun,

and the Gale of Wind!

Even the evening looks amazing!

Are these what wanderlusts are made of?

I did had fun snorkelling here too!

It was way better than diving,

Because I do not have a diving licence,

which means no open sea diving :(

But we could snorkel at the open sea!

I spotted a few underwater creatures,

there's just so much more to discover!

No more snorkelling with life jacket!

such a pain in the arse!

I did removed it half way and could swim way better...

Only was that the waves were kinda strong!

Just look at that frowned Anna!

Was in a very depressing state after I got back...

Gave myself a huge souvenir of weight gains!

URGH!

At that moment,

my emotions were very unstable,

from crying to laughing,

from whining to complaining,

it's just a disastrous state to even describe it!

ahhhh...welll....

I can't do anything,

except for,

eating clean, diets and exercise...

and on another note,

I'm not allow to do leg exercise due to my veins injuries...

WHEN IS IT RECOVERING?!?!

I need to runnnnnn!!! 

*or at least do brisk walks*

*Yawns*

Looks like updates gonna stop till here!

Till the next adventure!

She would travel across the sea,

to a whirlwind romance,

to have adventures,

to see the world of different cultures...

and to widen her scope of perspectives...

Happy birthday, Anna!

Xx annaliese xX

Disprited~

On 08022015...
It was every ACCA students' long awaited judgement day...

I was in full hope and had carry such high spirit that I'll pass at least one paper...
but...
to my dismay,
it was none!

The highest score I had was 46m for my P3 Business Analysis...
lowest was my P1 Risk,Ethics & Corp. Governance at 42m...
Was in a shocked that my P2 Corp. Reporting was higher than my P1 at 43m...

Spent the whole day alone...
didn't wanted to see anyone,
nor talk to anyone,
nor listen to anyone...
I just can't face anyone...

Time is all I need...
It's been a day,
and I know fairly well that it's time to get back up...
get rid of those weeps,
and be stronger...

Currently,
planning out my study & class timetable *just in case other subjects clashes*
and follow it strictly!

This round,
I need to get through it,
it's either you pass or die kinda thing...

Pretty disappointed with myself,
but with that score,
I know I had rooms for improvements...
and I'm gonna nailed it...

Deep down,
Like every other students,
I'm afraid too...
that phobia of receiving failing results...
it's gonna be my 4th attempt this time...

There are thoughts of giving up as well...
but I knew I shouldn't have,
and shall instead,
forge ahead,
be stronger!
*fingers cross*

Xx annaliese xX

Absenteeism

In this confined vastness,

with silence filling up the room,

sitting here by the window,

emptiness fills me up.

It felt as though it was only yesterday,

although it has been such a long period of time,

your absence had been felt ubiquitously.

It felt as though we were still,

somewhat close,

somehow excruciating,

moving on the line,

or is it just me?

In this silent night,

the thoughts of you came across my mind,

the feelings of you still being here,

that feeling.

Perhaps,

        It was just me,

                      Missing you.

          --Annaliese

Summing up that year - 2014

It's been almost the end of the first week of 2015.
And I hadn't been free enough to sum up my 2014 >.<
That busy life of mine,
it ain't gonna stop :)

Been all busy throughout the whole year.
pretty much productive I shall say...
Work and studies...
But due to certain circumstances,
I resigned and continued to study full time,
to complete my ACCA which I targeted to complete by this June sitting
*fingers crossed*

Those who knew me,
knew I couldn't settle down since I'm a workaholic...
They had all tried to convince that it's for the better future...
That...
I knew...
But...
I just miss those days where challenges of work and study crashes,
it was what made me motivated & pushed me hard enough.

After that ACCA exam in dec,
I hadn't rest tho...
that week itself,
I traveled to Langkawi island with my ex colleagues and interns...
What's next after that week was a wedding of my bestie from zoo gang!
and 2 days later?
Taiwan vacation with my family...

Finally,
some time to settle down,
to write down my encounters and experiences.


As you grew older,
you realized time was never sufficient...
that was because as you grew,
you realized that how time is important!

No matter what,
always make time for families
then friends,
and lastly,
socialize :)

It seems to me that,
almost every year,
I lost an important person to me,
somewhat closed,
somehow much loved!

2014,
I've lost 2 of my family members,
each from a parent's side.
Devastated of course.
But they remain still in our hearts with the memories created.

I've lost a best friend too,
she was once my closed friend...
so close that I'm somewhat blinded by it.
*sounds like love?*
btw,she's still around!

There are mutual friends of us,
came back telling me that she had never treated me like one before,
as she denies it,
whenever ppl said how closed we were...
I on the other hand,
was pretty hurt once I heard...
but then again,
I chose to ignore it...
I chose to even ignore what had been talking behind my back...

Some say,
"why not you make the first move?"
I say,"I had but with her personality, I knew the more I do it, the more it's gonna push her away"
we hadn't been talking for almost a year now...

it was difficult for me,
for once, we had shared the good & bad times,
it's even more difficult for me when I knew what's going on behind my back..
but I moved on...

I chose to keep the memories we had,
no hatred,
no grudges...
She left with no words said,
and we never had talked since...

I've learnt to let go certain ppl in my life...
Though with much reluctancy,
with much love,
and how closed we seemed/used to be,
it ain't gonna work when it's only coming from one side..
all I knew was,
I've done my very best!

There are certain ppl in life,
and you thought they're gonna be there with you for life,
for as long as they could be,
but truth is, 
they weren't...
They're there to teach you an important lesson in life...

For that,
I thank you for showing me the true self,
even though it was a bit late...
but I've learnt...

2014,
made a few friends around tinder.
some left,
still kept in touch with one or two.
*friends without benefits; I know what you're thinking*

So,
what's next for me?
I had no idea yet...
current goals are...
complete my ACCA,
get involve with sports more,
and lastly, a job :)

It's gonna be a more challenging year by year,
but that's what life are made of...
ups and downs...
just like the heartbeat of a living thing ;)

it's half past 3 in the morning now,
best be getting some good sleep before a long drive tomorrow...

On another note,
hair's turning purple! WEEEEEE!
and the header?
I'll fix it SsssooooooooonnnN!

Xx annaliese xX

Passers by

Certainly in life,

each and everyone of us has these passers by.

Some of which stays for a period,

some left even quicker than you thought.

It's early in the morning at half past six, 

sun is about to rise in about, say 30 mins?

I've been like this for the past few months,

wasn't able to sleep.

Prolly it's the studies I'm prepping for,

the big one.

It turns worse after I quit my job.

Well,

At least I ain't alone.

Sister who's rushing off her crazy datelines,

building models *turning our room into a mess*

is staying up as late as I do.

Anxiety,

Worried,

Nervous.

Words and feelings of these sorts best describes me right now.

It's the big one,

I couldn't afford to fail,

Although,

failing in professional level of ACCA papers are a norm.

It's a tough route,

there are times where I wanted to give up,

wanted to just leave ACCA hanging like that,

but then again,

there's this voice,

whispering in me head,

"you've only have 5 left and you still have those ppl to prove them wrong"

Since it was a study break I'm taking,

I decided to blog about these passers by.

A good close friend of mine,

has a situation of a relationship,

which I would say,

somehow rather excruciating.

Which is worse,

knowing 2 persons have feelings for each other,

that were a match for each other,

turns out not being able to be together due to religions

OR

having to turn into someone who can't emotionally take care of you,

but have you in their future?

As she text-ed me earlier on,

she mentioned,"...went to watch him play soccer because I knew our time is limited..."

it poaches straight into my heart.

That word right there,

that the time was limited,

it hurts tremendously.

But it's the moment where both of them could still cherish,

could still make good use of each others' accompaniment.

There are many times in life,

we wouldn't know how much time we have got left to spend with that special someone,

or the one you care,

or even a stranger that you treated as a friend.

At least,

they both knew it would be coming to an end soon.

21112014,

it's been a year of your absence,
a year that we had broke off.

In your one year of absence,

I've came by to meet a few strangers.

I regarded most of them as my friend,

only a few felt the same,

the rest? We remained as a stranger,

or "that someone".

I've came by a person,

whom I fancied,

but somehow,

we cut off because he knew I wasn't the one for him,

or rather,

he had someone in mind.

Sometimes I wonder,

would it be best cutting off or remain connected?

There are times where I wondered how were you,

then again,

there are times where I have the urge to meet you,

or even text you.

So near yet so far,
though we stay pretty near,
but chances of seeing/ meeting,
is equivalent to zero percent.

Perhaps,

losing your contact was the best idea ever,

both for you and I.

Andrew,
I felt the same for you too,
where I hope to keep in touch with u,
Just like how Louis & I did,
I even now talked to his wife,
bout her pregnancy,
bout her lil thing that has heartbeats like us too,
how huge it makes her stomach look liked.
But then again,
I knew your initial reason.
There I knew,
we would be the strangers again,
but the difference? 
The stranger we both once knew...

The ones that remain in contact,

we seldom meet each other anymore,

maybe simply because,

we knew that we are nothing more than a 'hi/bye' friend,

that we are at the lowest level of even a 'hi/bye' friend could be.

These passers by,

each time they left,

they took a piece of me.

It burns,

that each time you started to know a person,

before time allows you to bid farewell or end it properly,

they were gone by then.

But each of them,

they taught me a lesson.

A lesson which no other person whom you knew would teach you.

"The Lessons of a Wanderer"

Perhaps,

this was in God's arrangement,

to test each of us,

to test our patience,

to test our strength.

I hope she'll be fine,

both of them,

although it's agonizing.

Putting God ahead,

despite of their every wants,

their every desire.

Their act,

was truly a noble act,

Sticking to their principles,

their roots.

Lord,

I asked for your forgiveness,

and for you to grant strength in her,

and for you to answer her prayers.

Xx annaliese xX