once again...disappointments

visit bie's blog for a full story.. http://www.x-o-dus.blogspot.com/

the whole thing starts with the argument of me and my dad for coming back late...like wat i said,i was at bie's there helping out and meeting his family members on the 3rd day of cny...bie drank beer and i even make him a Bacardi...he even take me a Gold Label...it's not a bad one...i kinda like it but it really fires up my throat and i can feel the heat in my stomach....later at nite,when every1 went home...he and his family sat down and have a lil chat while trying on his mum's shaker...we were plannin to go back at 3am on the very same day...but somehow,both of us slept till 6am...

the argument mainly was bout me...it aint your fault bie...i too,slept over...after that argument,i dun ever wana face him...even just a lil while for breakfast...so i made up my mind and ask bie to go for a breakfast just for 2...then we headed to Chamang waterfall...bie said it's beautiful...but i felt it's normal...water there is so cold as usual...then bie wana go to Batang Kali's waterfall..so i said ok and we went...i love it there...the water there is even colder....

we went to Gohtong Jaya to have bak kut teh...i never tot of it...but when he mention it,i wana eat it already...as usual,we still talk and ask questions bout each other...but i was always the 1 who's asking questions most of the time...mayb it's a gurl nature? or mayb i always tell him everything without him asking it?

after that he fetched me back to bentong...after seeing such jam which is heading back to kl,he decided to stay another nite here at bentong...but he overnite in a hotel instead of my house...after finding a hotel,he sent me bek...and arguments start all over again...

i was using my loud voice to speak with dad because i'm feeling pissed off...i felt what bie feel...discrimination is all i can say...and how naive i am to think he was as open minded as my mum...even mum can accept him,why not you? i'm really disappointed..i was crying while arguing and my whole body was shaking...shaking wasnt cuz i were scare of dad...shaking was bcuz i'm really angry till i had no more voice...i cried for hours...in the car,going for dinner,reaching the restaurant,while waiting for the food to be served,when the food is served,when i'm eating and there's where i almost choke myself...yes,everyone did look at me...but i dun give a damn...i'm really heartbroken...cried when we're going back too...rushing to my room....and there's my aunt(dad's sist) came in to comfort me...

i really dun ever feel like staying in this family anymore...as planned,i'll look for bie after that...i didnt wana show him the weak part of me and i dun ever more wana show him my crying face...but i couldnt help it..so i was crying and he was wet...sorry bie...then i went to mum's cuz she wanted a drink and i brought my cousin out for a yam cha session...

she's a year younger than me...but we can communicate...most of the time,she's the one who can talk to me bout all the matters other than my close frens...and among all my cousins,she's the only 1 whom i can trust and talk too...we talked...bie was sitting there,listening to our stories..her mum called..like an hour later? asking us to go back...then i guess,the suggestion was from my mum,asking me to overnite at her side...i agreed...as i dun feel like going back to that house anymore,seeing my grandma's acting face and dad...dad wasnt home,so i just sms him and then i'm off...

me and my cousin was stayin up all nite talking bout my prob...and i told her bout the "running away from my house's" plan...then she told me,she overheard my mum saying,"if her dad force her again,she'll definitely run away"..even mum understands that the way dad using is so wrong...so conservative...or ancient?

bie went home the next day early in the morning...me too,went back to kl in the afternoon...at nite,we went for a movie...we watched "true legend"...bie said it was a bit sienz...i had no comment =)


you know,i always fear that this would happen...but it did...not the 1st time...when i was with louis,he did object too...but what i fear most is you couldnt bare with me and give up like how louis did...i will stay strong,bie...for you,for me and for our future...let's give him some time okay??
and another thing,bie....it's not that i didnt think of going to your house...i had thought of it before...just tat i didnt say it out doesnt mean tat i didnt think of it...it's that i'll bring problems and troubles to you...even staying at my mum's,i too think of it...so i rather handle everything myself rather than bring you to trouble...get it? dont worry okay?? i'll work it out...just another 2 and a half more years,then i'll graduate...by tat time,i dun need to depend on him anymore...work and with my savings,i can survive =)