the same always,i'm afraid that after him reading it,it'll bring problems to him...yes,it did...but in another way,it clears my mind off...being a simple guy he is,now i know,he wouldnt let anything that will destroy our relationship to come between us...and for that,i love you♥~
for twice i've been wrong and mistaken for everything...for twice,i've felt the guilt...and this time,it's even more...as for the part where i misunderstood of going to her place,he's been working hard lately to get what i want,which was a laptop...just to get what i want...i never thought he remembered...i was happy to hear that,but at the same time,the guilt i felt,its painful...
he had his points...for i never ask him,i wouldnt know what was going on actually...and for that,my questions left unanswered...at times,i give myself my own answers without even realizing it,then more questions came on and i'm back to square 1 again...he's right...
he's not just a bf to me...he's a very special one...
having doing the same mistake for twice,the guilt i felt...and for all he was asking,i'll give him this time =) telling him what's on my mind,what's making me feeling this way and such...it was called honesty to him...and i know,i was wrong on my thoughts...
sweetheart,i know i've been apologizing a lot lately...but i'm really sorry that i created even more problems to you...there wouldn't be a next time anymore...i love you...u've a short term memory loss,like me too,i never thought that you'll remember small things like that...in return,i'll give you what you've been asking for,since long time...i'm sorry =(
a post i've read from vincent's blog...and i'm gonna quote sth from there...because,it's meaningful and sth true that i've gone thru too...
"building up a relationship is like building up a castle.
how much time do you need to spend on building a castle?
how hard do you need to work to build up a castle?
how much effort do you need to pay in order to build a castle?
so hard, so much time, so much effort you need to pay on that castle.. sure its happy to see the progress improves everyday as you give out everything you've got just to build this one and only castle.
but.. what if it just collapsed as the earthquake strikes? you've given out anything, everything just for this castle, and now its gone within a second. can you imagine how does it feel when you lost everything you have just within a second? no words can ever describe the feelings and you are just so helpless to do a thing to help yourself.
im not so strong to build another castle instantly as i already lost everything i've got. i need time to rest, i need time to regain my confidence, i need time to heal my broken heart, and most importantly, i need time to forget...
i smile, it doesn't mean that im happy.
i laugh, it doesn't mean that i have no sorrows.
i did not frown, it doesn't mean that im alright.
i did not cry, because i know tears wouldn't bring you back to me."
a very simple example of building up a castle may relates to relationships...just a part of it i've quoted...and it's all written to express his feelings...for the last part,last sentence,he's right bout it...no tears would bring the other half back to the one waiting...everyone was the same...no matter how much you cry,when it's gone,it's really gone...
for how much i've lost in the past,it came to make me realize that appreciating whateva i have NOW is the most important...what's the point of lookin back when you have the best right in front of you,right?
and to everyone out there,never take the other half as granted..NEVER~!!
i've been there...not the one who take the other person as granted...but as the one who's being the other way round...treated me as if he's granted for me...trust me,tho he didnt say it out,it's a feeling u can feel and it doesnt feel good...it's similar to those feeling who ppl just used you to achieve what they wanted...
right now,right in front of me...andrew K.L. Koh,was the one...the one i've been long searching for..and for the time i've wanted to give up,the time i've realized one who doesnt exist,he came into my life bringing me all the hapiness i want...
just wana say,i'm proud to have you,my sweetheart...
I LOVE YOU
Signed,
Forever Yours~
♥♥♥
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