In the past few hours : i was having a morning class today...went up to genting with bie,meng and toh's wife and her family...the wife of toh's and her family went to theme park and play...i guess meng was with them...as for me and bie,we went to "ripley's believe it or not"...i like it there...knowing stuff which is extraordinary...after that,meet up with meng again to play bowling...bie and i went to starbucks to online and as for meng,he headed to the first world's cc...i wasnt feeling really good...headache and neck ache...sigh...we went home bout 3sth almost 4pm...as usual...i told him the same thing and ask him something...something which i felt in my past 2 previous post...
Currently : i just reached home...emo-ing now...in my life's,there's been heartache and pain..i dont know if i can face it again..and today,i found out tat being into a relationship is not just a matter of 2...it's also the matter of everyone around the couple....such,being accepted by them and getting their blessings and stuff lidat OR being rejected by them and hearing stuff which hurts alot...i get used to hear stuff like this already...and the matter which worries me now is,whether such ppl can influence the other half? mostly,it's a yes...the confidence that i slowly gained back all these years had all gone just by a second like that...
haihz...i cried in the car and i'm crying even now...why is it so hard being accepted?! cant they just think and stand on this side and see,feel and hear everything like how i did...i know,wat's the point of crying...but i just cant accept it...just allow me to have a few moments of this...i tried my best...it's not that i want it to be this way also...in the past,bcuz of this,i hadnt eat until i had gastric...till then,i ate but i vomit it out right after tat...so now wat?! want me to repeat the past again? i'm thinking of upgrading my treatment...but,financial prob...i guess,i shall work again...when i work,i'll slim down like how i used too cuz of tired moments and kept standing whole day...then with the upgraded treatment and repeating wateva i did in the past,i guess it'll speed up the process...
if all this still doesnt work,i'm going for liposuction...there's 1 doc in kl town...i knew...and my mum knew another 1 too...shall consult them...i realize,in this world,physical looks are always the priority to ppl instead of the personalities...i'm really tired of all this...it's my last option anyway...
i think i shan't meet bie for a lil time...until i get my target...anyway,he'll be busy too...i dont know how long this will be taking...but i'm sure,wateva i'm thinking now,it's just the way i express how i felt and it's always been negative...i do wana think positive too~!!! but how can i,under this situation?! maybe tomolo when i wake up in the morning,i'll be alright...but i know for now,i aint...perseverance,patience,acceptance...
Just let me be the way i am now...let my tears roll down my cheeks how much i wanted them to...i just need a moment for myself...dont worry...i'm still strong =) a person is ready to hear the critics when they started to ask the questions of "do you mind? what you think? Am i like that? Why everyone walks away from me"...tat's why i asked...
it hurts...even tho i'm used to it already...my heart...the pain in it...it's beyond words to describe it...try to feel me for once,pls...
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