A moment...

i didnt have enough sleep for 2 nights...i know myself well and now i know,the limit i can reach is only up to 2 nights...
the loved one knows very well for the reason i couldnt sleep on the first night...
and for the 2nd night,every 1 who knew me,they knew it why...

bie came and pick me and yuen up from my hse...he's still so cold...never speak a word in the car,never even take one glance at me,never hold my hands like he usually did...all i can hear is the cd tracks playing it's own songs and my nose sniffing cuz of the flu....yuen was sleeping,i was left alone...
i was afraid and wonder should i talk or not...
but in the end,i still kept quiet all the way till reaches his place...
reached the carpark,he's still the same...is this what they called,the cold war?
he never hold my hands like he usually did...
he never hug me when we're waiting for the lifts,like he usually did...
it was never the same =(

i didnt know wat to do...
all i did was,kept quiet...questioning myself silently...
and when we reached his home,i just do my things and try to get some sleep...
it's strange right? after 2 sleepless nights,i still cant sleep...
i tried so hard,closing my eyes and keeping my mind blank...
he was busy with his stuffs...
with his lappie as well...
i felt so cold suddenly...mayb it was the aircond...
when i almost fall asleep,he came to hug me from behind ^^
the feeling i feel once more,it was there...

we went for movie at night at Times Square..."Toy Story 3" =) then our dinner,which was supper for everyone else,at D'Fortune...FINALLY i'm tired...but i still came online then only off to bed...

SUNDAY : HAPPY DADDY'S DAY to all daddies all over the world...
waking up in the afternoon...so many calls~!!! ARGH~!!! then breakfast with the family and now here i am...daddy went out =(

so it's only left me alone here to do the preparation for tomolo's role play...shall i sleep tonight? it's because i gotta reach college at 7.30am...might as well dun sleep right? i know i'm crazy...but this is me...

a conversation with my dearest yuan just now...updating her and she might be coming back this week too...telling her the same thing that i told bie...
saying that i wana keep myself busy...too busy to even have no time to think of him...
bie said that i'm being silly...cuz i've been busy enough with my studies and i still can slip in some time for him...
as for yuan,she ask me to work...
i wana work,after my piano exam...i'll find a job...to keep me busy...and with my studies,i'll be even more busy...work like a kuli =P lolz...it is still a subject to change...will be seeing how's the schedule going to be like next month before i make any decisions...

it's not a sudden thought of it...
i knew it from the very begining that i'm a kind which is into bf a lot...
i need things to distract me a lil from him...
because i know,no matter how busy i am,i'll still think of him...

him,telling me his schedule for the coming months...
looking at them,i know we'll be apart for some time...
yes i know,it's a subject to change...
yes i know,he'll make time for me...
but i also know that i'll think of him most of the time
so,working is only one of the solution...

on another note : i'm getting bored...getting tired of my life...my life cycle...dex tot that i'll suicide or sth lidat...i wont be doing such stupid things ba...silly dexter...
all i need is a change,some excitement,some funs,vacation to relax...

owh! bie wouldnt be coming,i guess...cuz of his hectic schedules of his work...
i need activities~!!
BUT...
two things that made me happy were...
i get to slip in a lil bit time for sweetheart and so does he could...i know he's busy,but still,he manage to made a lil time for me C:
the other one was...
looking at my bebe,playing with him and all...especially when he wakes up in the morning,stretching his body...so cute~!!!

i guess,i'm going to take a rest now...just for a while..
then i'll start to be busy till the role play ends tomorrow...

The Black Friday...

i decided to blog first before starting to do some revision of mine...

as stated on the title,i called today "The Black Friday"...nope,it isnt 13th Friday...
for the reason i said so,it's because today i almost had an accident...but luckily i was alright...but for yuen,she isnt that lucky...

this morning,i was late for class...and i was in a rush...
it happened around my housing area...
for i wanted to cross the opposite road,i didnt realize that there's a cement truck coming by...after that driver honk,only i found out that i'm in the middle of the road already and i immediately cross right after i'm conscious...if not,the truck would ran over my car and the first tat it hits,is going to be me...for it is coming from my side of direction...

as for yuen,it happened at the VERY SAME TIME...AND THE VERY SAME KIND OF TRUCK~!!!
HOW COULD IT BE SO COINCIDENCE~!!!!
but ofcuz,at diff places...
she was too sleepy,that is why she had this accident...she hit the cement truck till the cement slide went crooked~!!!
her car's windshield went cracked but luckily it didnt shattered...
she's fine now becuz she didnt hit directly..
she had some injuries around her nose and her forehead...

lynn didnt have the mood to continue our discussion anymore...
and she kept asking me to take enough sleep,dun stay up late...
because she's afraid that i'll end up like yuen too...
i just smiled...because i knew i couldnt sleep especially when it come to exam...
i have this guilt if i sleep...so i rather stay up whole night to study until the next day when my exam is over...

seeing yuen's face,looking at her injuries,i felt so pain =(
but luckily she's still here with us =)
and her bf is there to help her as well...
for the coming days,her bf would need to fetch her to and fro from her home to college...

May God bless all my loved ones...
i dun wana see them hurt in any ways...

the accidents i have all these while,did almost take my life away...
it's wat they call cheating death...
everytime,for i have accidents it's because i didnt concentrate on the road...
this time too...

and darling tortoise,u better rest more alright?
listen to your mum,dun go dancing class anymore
OR
if you really enjoy dancing,just quit tat job
ok?

i'm going to have my tax test tomolo...
like i said,it's going tot be another sleepless night of mine...
dont worry guys =)
i had been doing this for the past 1 year...
i can handle the steering alright? C:
love y'all...

on another note :
i'm missing someone special as well...
i wonder how he's doing...
wondered whether has he eaten or not...
wondered if is everything alright there for him or not...
i wonder...

i wanted to call..
wanted to text...
but
i just dun dare
till
he calls me...

in less than 2 week,it's going to be our 5th Month anni...
i hope the same for him as how i hope for my frens...
i pray to Lord
i ask Him to take care of him for me...
i ask Him to make his work path smoother...
i ask Him to make sure he's in safety...
i pray to Lord
for this cold night,to be warm for him...

my sweetheart,i really miss you much...

Life Contract Signed...

it's gonna be heavy for us...the hectic schedules of ours...the busy-ness and the pressure are pressing on us...yes,for this sem,it had already started...we'll be very very busy preparing for coursework,test and then finals...just this sat,we're gonna have tax test...and tomolo we'll be having role play practices...the real one will be on monday and there's lots more...

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Forever After...

back to Thursday...where my car's battery worn out...and i thought,i would needed lynn's help in the college by borrowing her car to jump start,instead,i'm fine over there...it is when i went to the bank and i needed jump start...no one was there to help me at first =( but luckily,there's this kind lady,she willing to help me out..

the lady didnt know how to jump start...i told her i knew the way...so she let me do the magic...you know,i get "wow" from ppl a lot...they always say,"Wow~!!! you,a gurl,driving a manual?" and i always asked wat's wrong with it...it seems tat guys always tot gurls couldnt drive manual...and some who read my blog,who knew i chged tyres and after this incident,they would always gave me a surprised-shocked expression,"i didnt know u can chge tyres and jump start a car"...it all came from experience from the past...

it seems to ppl that gurls are always a weaker one...normal cars are easy for me to fix...but the car tat i'm driving recently,Toyota Wish,it's a bit hard for me if i need to change the tyres because the rims are custom made,which i am not familiar with yet...and as for the bmw,the batteries are not under the hood,said by jl...

from those impression i gave to most ppl bout how independent i can be,i am not,to be truth...i always am the one who can be very independent but also at the same time,wana be like those other inncent gurls out there...i rely on my loved ones...at times,i wished to lie down on his shoulders or he hug me with his arms around me...

on friday,i went over to bie's place...he wanted to come over at first,but dun wana go thru all those jams...so i said,i go over then...and we had sushi for din din ^^ wanted to walk along at pasar malam but didnt do so...instead,we went home and yana was there...she's as cute as ever...and bie did say i'm chubby as she is too =(

had movies at night with my family...we watched "Shrek;The Final Chapter"...bie didnt like this movie at all,so i just watch with my sist ba...well,i highly recommend it to ppl who had watch the previous chapters of this movie...it's so romantic...i even cried because i'm touched by the romance of it...

as you all know,Shrek and Fiona are married with 3 cute lil babies...at this Final Chap,it talks about how Shrek wanted back his old life before he met Fiona cuz he is just fed up of having everyday routine which is the same...just like how men today who are married wanted back their olde life,freedom,funs and enjoyments...in fairytale like this,it has been a trend tat the male always saved the female's life...but in this movie,it is Fiona who saved Shrek from dying...Shrek ofcourse did regret of not appreciating having his family and was as happy as ever when he found out that the "True Loves Kiss" did work...well,u all shall watch it for yourself and prepare some tissue papers..

they had their forever after...lolz...to some ppl,i may sound foolish or silly...but to ppl who know me well,they knew tat i just love romance so much..though small things may pleased me easily...i'm a gal who had been chasing after a romance life...you may ask,"have you got it?" well,i guess i'm almost there...not to say i have it totally and not to say i dun have it either...

on sunday,i had my piano lesson...this time,my teacher call another student of hers to come along and play the pieces as well..."she's good,not talented,but hardworking",that's what my teacher said...and when she played today,her standard drop because i'm there and she's nervous...my teacher did say that,she shant be like that because of an existence of another person...well,i understand,because the examiner will be there on the day...it's far more scarier...and it's my turn to play as well...for me,teacher said tat my dynamics are strong and clear...it's just my notes tat i need to becareful on...it's a good thing i guess...having another student there to compare and we get to listen the pros and cons and therefore learn from it...

went back to hometown after tat...and came home after dinner...it's quite jam on the way back...so we reached home quite late too...went to night market and gei tak sek with my sweetheart...gonna do my tutorials now...orelse,i gotta finish it during my break tomolo...and i'm already sleepy =(

my sweetheart had been as usual,as sweet as ever...one day,we were passing by a place with a condo...and i said,"that place not bad"...and he answered me,"okay,i'll buy it and put it under our name"
i smiled sweetly...tho,it was sth he just said...but the thought of it is just nice ♥

the blue days...

another blue monday it was...went to college as usual,early in the morning...our tax lecture had been canceled due to our lecturer is on leave...so,we'll have 4 hours of break! imagine tat,torturing enough to have such long break...suppose to discuss our role play script,done a lil ammendments here and there...we couldnt decide much of the idea,cuz ck wasnt there...so that's tat...

went over to bie's place...it was late night already...but i just missed him so much that i just wana see him right now...playing around with the door when i reached...ish! mummy even opened the door and see wat's going on...hope she's not angry bout it...

bie hasnt even bath yet! i was playing with his laptop...after a moment,i found that,it's a good opportunity to talk to his mum...so i did,i went out to the living room and sat beside her...so near to her that deep down in me,i was actually shivering...

mummy started the conversation first...asking tat,whether i just went off work is it?
i went all blur...and i found out tat it was actually bie who made the mistake,telling her the wrong thing...haha...she asked him bout me,and he tot tat mummy ask bout he himself...silly dear...
i explained everything...then she gave that "zzz" look...
then i asked is she a chartered accountant...then we chit chat a lil...
she asked bout me,where i study and wat course...
asking when is my ACCA exam gonna end and stuffs like tat...

was happy to have this chat with her...tho it's short...tho i'm afraid...but at least,i've tried...i wana get close to his family,to be with them...to be one of them too...i'm still afraid of his mummy...but i guess,in time,i will be better =D

a very boring tuesday as well...it was a day off for me...went for a therapy this morning and after that,i'm off to sunway to meet fer fer...passed by my school again...i missed the days there =( sigh...we sat down and chat...still the same as she is,always making me laugh with all those face expressions she made...and as for me,she said,"your laughter was still the same,never change at all" ofcuz lar,it's my trademark laugh mar...hehe

without realizing it,she's been my fren since primary year 3...which means,we had been frens for 11 years...time do flies eh?

went to Big Tree...sweetheart was there...Sun was too...taking my tutorials along with me,going thru it...and i dun have the idea of doing the last question...i guess it was the same like last week,only after the class,we'll only understand it...and i came home asking ck bout question 1,then only i realized that it was sth tat i didnt copy during last lecture...i wana complain again~!!! everytime we've got no places to sit,we've gotta sit on individual chairs WITHOUT tables! damn it! i paid the development fees too ok?! ish~!!! geram betul~!!!

in less than a month,my piano's exam will be commencing...and in just less than 4 months,our ACCA exams starts...i'm sooooo scare =( so lil time yet so much to do...

it's a new year,new sem...totally new...as in from dipoma to adv diploma...i've changed from being a sleeper during the lecture,till now concentrating on one..no matter how much the lecturer is not proceeding to the next level...from not doing tutorials and not looking at one,to doing one and if i dont,at least i've gone thru knowing what is what...

i'm proud of myself...but ofcuz,there're more that i need to do...just for at this time,at least i'm changing =) i wana be like how i used to be during my school days...the popular kid in class,with the trademark laugh,having funs and still achieving high scores in my studies...

bout the gift,i'm still working on it...just tat recently i dun have the time to continue doing it...i'll be doing it when i have more free time =)

it had been a long week for me...so much to do yet so lil time...hadnt been seeing my sweetheart for almost a week...when i tot i could see him,he needs to work...but we managed to meet each other on saturday...

05062010 : went to saloon...to have a rebonding and a hair cut...my hair has spilt ends...sigh...and the barber cut so much of that i'm regretting over it now...i guess i would stop dying my hair for some time...

bie went off work early and i asked him to sleep first...and when i go online using my phone,i saw him onlining...and from then,i knew he hadnt sleep...i went over to his place and reach bout 7sth plus...had been telling him stories from those i read from the magz...and only now,i realized that men can breastfeed too =)

we went to midvalley for movie...wanted to watch marmaduke BUT we couldnt make it...end up,we watched "The Bounty Hunter"...it was a romantic comedy...haha...quoted from sweetheart...

his dinner was carl's junior...after having the din din,we walk around,sat down and we talked to each other...i love that feeling...bie,can we have more time like this,pls? =)

06062010 : he went for his tattoo today...asking me whether i would like to go over or not...the "Repo.." neck tattoo...i can see his proud of it =) earlier today,he kept asking for my opinion...and oso bout a ripper tattoo...as i always like to say,i'm happy when he is happy =) so it's alright for me...

i'm sick alright...having flu...and not only that...
i've been complaining so much bout how fat i am =( sigh...the feelings sumtimes made me wana take a knife and stab it right thru my heart...i just cant stand it anymore...

all these while,i knew that drew had been loving me for me...it has 2 diff meanings which are :

1. he loved me on my behalf...
2. he loved me for i'm being myself...

but for wat i meant here was,he loved me on my behalf...becuz i've been realizing that i dun love myself by doing so much things to torture myself...i guess i sud start loving myself too...or consult a physcologists...

stupid fats~!! go away!!! i hate you all~!!

the 4th month...

a picture of baby peeking from the slide glass door's curtain =) cute right?

Friday : at night,i received a call from sweetheart...

he said,"i received an order from mother" and ofcuz,i asked,"what order?"

he answered,"my mother ask me to ask you to join us for a genting trip with the family"

i sooo wana go as well..but i couldnt =( sigh...

Saturday : bie and i was planning to go for a movie at night...i went over to his place early in the morning...tot that i could spend a lil more time with him before night...

he was sleeping when i reached...still lazed around...i'm sooo hungry lar! then i rushed him,telling him that i wana go breakfast wit him...but i dun wana eat that nasi lemak lar...so fattening...

so we decided to go out for breakfast...we met mummy,daddy,yana,the twins and audrey jie at the car park...then mummy asked me to join them again...i told her i couldnt...no matter how much i wanted to go =( and i felt so bad for rejecting her for so many times for so many things...

after the breakfast,we went back home and watch "Solomon Kane"...so crucial...we hug each other on bed while watching and he said,"how good if we were to stay like this every single day"...i couldnt agree more...i wanted the same too...

bie went up to genting with audrey jie...so our movie night out was canceled =( sad...but i still had my time spent with him from morning till evening...

i went home bout 4pm and took my sist out to choose her birthday cake...and during my dinner,dar dar asked me whether if i wana go genting or not...ofcuz i want =)

so we went after my dinner...so it was again that i told sweetheart that we were "so near yet so far"...

a picture of me at genting starbucks!

not so much of it...on sunday was my youngest sist birthday...celebrated it after dinner...baby took some pics with us too...hehe..he was also the same as us,eager to try out the taste of the cake...

it was a blackforest 1...baby chocolate was eating chocolate...and he loved it as well...

the many footsteps path with lotsa butterflies and flowers marshmallows =)

31st May : it's our 4th month together...i was in college as usual...and when he's awake,we text each other...i was hoping that he could rmb this day...but as wat i expected,he forgotten...well,forget bout it then...it's not anything special or wat cuz it's only 4th month..so i guess,i dont mind

at night,we went to 1u for a fish spa and a movie...we watched "Prince of Persia"...

at first,i didnt dare to dip my legs into the water...the fish swarm to bie's leg,they look disgusting...cant they be colourful? at least it looks better...i gave myself a few tries...

bie's legs had been soaking in the water for some time...so when i dip mine into the water,they swarm to my legs...scary but fun...it was so ticklish...when bie told me,"it was only a small vibration"...then only i felt better and without looking at them...i enjoyed it very much and will be back for more too =)

the ticklish tingling sensation...

i didnt know why,i dont feel happy at all while i was in the cinema and before the movie,the part when we were waiting for the hall lights to go on...i was sooo moody that he even asked...

for that i can sense it,i dun feel good as well..it will come,but just the matter of time..

anyway,

Happy 4th Month!